7 Myths About Surrogacy

Surrogacy has become an increasingly popular and accessible path to parenthood in the United States. Yet, despite growing awareness, misconceptions still cloud the topic. These myths can create unnecessary fears or unrealistic expectations for both intended parents and surrogates. So, let’s get to the truth — no fluff, just facts.

What Is Gestational Surrogacy?

First things first: not all surrogacy is the same. In gestational surrogacy, a woman (the gestational surrogate) carries a child that is not genetically related to her. The embryo is created via in vitro fertilization (IVF) using the egg and sperm of the intended parents or donors. This embryo is then transferred into the surrogate's uterus.

This is the only type of surrogacy most U.S. surrogacy agencies and fertility clinics work with. It protects everyone involved and ensures clear legal and emotional boundaries.

Now, let’s break down the most persistent myths.

Top Myths About Surrogacy — Busted

Myth 1: The Gestational Surrogate Is Related to the Baby

This one’s a classic — and completely wrong when we’re talking about gestational surrogacy. The surrogate doesn’t use her own egg. The baby is conceived using the intended mother’s egg or a donor egg, which is fertilized with sperm from the intended father or a donor.

Genetically, the baby is 100% the child of the intended parents or chosen donors. The surrogate is simply the one carrying the pregnancy — an incredible role, but not a biological one.

Myth 2: The Surrogate Will Grow Attached and Want to Keep the Baby

This fear comes up a lot. Understandably so — it’s an emotional journey. But in reality, experienced surrogates enter into this journey knowing exactly what they’re signing up for. They don’t view the baby as theirs.

Psychological screenings, legal contracts, and extensive preparation ensure everyone’s on the same page. Surrogates are often mothers themselves and choose surrogacy to help others experience the joy of parenthood — not to expand their own family.

In fact, studies show that surrogates rarely, if ever, express regret or desire to keep the child. It’s not their baby, and they know that from day one.

Myth 3: Surrogates Must Do Whatever the Intended Parents Tell Them To

Let’s clear this up: surrogates are not employees or property. They’re individuals with full bodily autonomy and legal rights.

While intended parents and surrogates enter into a detailed legal agreement that outlines lifestyle choices (like avoiding smoking or alcohol), the surrogate does not become subject to someone else’s total control.

There are professional boundaries. No one — not even a future parent — can force a woman to undergo a medical procedure or follow a demand that violates her rights.

Myth 4: My Surrogate Will Have to Come Live With Me

Nope. She won’t. Surrogates live their own lives — they don’t move into your guest room.

Most intended parents and surrogates don’t even live in the same state. The relationship is managed through scheduled calls, doctor visits, and sometimes in-person check-ins — all coordinated with support from the agency and legal teams.

You will stay involved in the pregnancy, of course. But your surrogate stays home, where she’s comfortable and supported by her own network.

Myth 5: Women Only Become Surrogates to Make Money

Compensation is a factor — yes. But ask any surrogate why she did it, and you’ll hear a deeper story.

Most surrogates are driven by empathy. They’ve experienced the joy of parenting and want to help someone else get there. The compensation is recognition for their time, risk, and commitment — not the sole reason they sign up.

Also, there are strict eligibility requirements for becoming a surrogate, including financial stability. Women who rely on surrogacy as a last-resort income source usually don’t qualify.

Myth 6: Surrogacy Is Only for Celebrities

Thanks, tabloids, but no. While it’s true some high-profile figures have used surrogates, the majority of surrogacy journeys involve everyday people.

Surrogacy in the U.S. is more accessible than ever. Insurance options are growing, fertility financing plans are available, and agencies work with intended parents from a variety of economic backgrounds.

The CDC tracks assisted reproductive technologies and shows growing usage across demographics — not just among the rich and famous. See for yourself here: https://www.cdc.gov/art/index.html

Myth 7: It Will Be Hard to Bond With the Baby If We Use a Surrogate

Here’s the truth: bonding isn’t about how your child entered the world. It’s about the love, care, and connection you build after birth.

Many intended parents attend medical appointments, talk to the baby during pregnancy, and are present at delivery — creating powerful emotional bonds from the start. Skin-to-skin contact, feeding, and nurturing in the early days build that parent-child connection just like any other birth.

The U.S. National Institutes of Health offers a great summary of early bonding benefits and how they apply in all birth scenarios: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7543990

And remember, millions of adoptive parents bond deeply with their children — genetics and pregnancy are not prerequisites for love.

Conclusion

Surrogacy isn’t science fiction. It’s a real, compassionate, and legally protected process that helps people build families. Like anything meaningful, it comes with complexities — but also with incredible rewards.

If you’re considering surrogacy in the U.S., don’t let myths stand in your way. Get informed. Ask questions. Work with reputable professionals. And always remember: the goal is the same — a healthy baby and a happy family.

Need more support or ready to take the next step? Talk to a licensed surrogacy agency or reproductive law professional to get started — with facts, not fiction.