Becoming a Surrogate: 6 Questions To Ask Before Starting the Process

Introduction & Process Overview

Becoming a surrogate is one of the most selfless, life-affirming decisions a person can make. You’re not just helping someone become a parent—you’re changing their life forever. But before you start, it’s important to ask yourself some honest questions.

Surrogacy isn’t just about physical readiness. It’s also about emotional preparedness, support systems, values, and long-term commitment. If you're considering this journey, here are 6 key questions to reflect on before taking the leap.

Do You Have a Thorough Understanding of the Surrogacy Process?

Before signing up with an agency or contacting a clinic, it’s essential to understand what surrogacy really involves. It's not just carrying a baby—it's a legal, medical, psychological, and relational process that can last 12–24 months from start to finish.

High-Level Outline of What to Expect:

• Medical screening and evaluation
• Legal contracts and agreements
• Fertility treatments, including hormone injections
• Embryo transfer and pregnancy care
• Delivery and postpartum recovery
• Relationship building with intended parents

There’s no room for surprises. A good agency will walk you through every step, but it’s your responsibility to show up informed and aware.

To get a solid foundation, consider reviewing educational resources on reproductive health provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: https://www.hhs.gov

Key Questions to Consider

What Kind of Experience Are You Looking For in Your Surrogacy Journey?

Every surrogacy journey is unique. Some surrogates want a very connected, emotionally involved experience with their intended parents. Others prefer a more structured, professional relationship.

Think about:

• Do you want frequent contact with the intended parents?
• Are you open to carrying for an international couple, a same-sex couple, or a single parent?
• Would you prefer to carry twins or only one embryo?
• Are you willing to be involved in the baby's life after birth—or not at all?

Have You Discussed Surrogacy With Your Support Network?

Surrogacy is a team effort. You need a support system that’s aware, informed, and behind you 100%.

That includes:

• Your partner or spouse (if applicable)
• Your children (age-appropriate conversations)
• Extended family or close friends
• Your employer (for time off, flexibility, or leave needs)

Think about logistics. Who’s watching your kids during medical appointments? Who’s helping after birth while you recover? Will you feel emotionally supported during moments of fatigue or stress?

The CDC offers guidance on maternal mental health and postpartum support options: https://www.cdc.gov/hearher

Do You Meet the Initial Requirements to Become a Surrogate?

Every agency has slightly different criteria, but in the U.S., here are the standard baseline requirements:

• Age between 21–42
• Have had at least one full-term, uncomplicated pregnancy
• Be a U.S. citizen or legal resident
• No history of serious pregnancy complications
• Non-smoker, drug-free, and healthy BMI
• Stable living situation and income
• Psychological readiness and support system in place

In addition, you’ll need to pass:

• A background check (and your partner/spouse, if applicable)
• Full medical screening
• Mental health evaluation

To review general reproductive health policies and pregnancy standards, visit the Office on Women’s Health: https://www.womenshealth.gov

What Are You Looking for in Your Intended Parent(s)?

Just like you have your preferences, intended parents have theirs too. A great match is built on mutual respect and aligned expectations.

You might want to consider:

• Do you prefer a single parent or couple?
• Are you open to helping someone from another country?
• Do your values align on topics like abortion, selective reduction, or birth plan preferences?
• Are you looking for ongoing contact after the birth?

This isn’t just about matching demographics. It’s about emotional alignment and mutual comfort. A great surrogacy journey comes from a strong connection, clear communication, and shared respect.

The U.S. Department of State also has helpful information on legal rights for international intended parents and cross-border family creation: https://travel.state.gov

Are You Ready?

This is the most important question of all.

Surrogacy is not for everyone—and that’s okay. It demands time, patience, and emotional resilience. It will affect your body, your daily life, your relationships, and your routine. At the same time, it’s one of the most meaningful things you’ll ever do.

Ask yourself:

• Am I physically and emotionally prepared?
• Am I doing this for the right reasons?
• Do I have the time and support to commit to this journey?
• Am I clear on the boundaries I need to maintain my well-being?

No one can answer these questions for you. But if your answer is a confident, grounded yes, then you’re on the right path.

Conclusion

Becoming a surrogate is more than a medical decision—it’s a personal calling. If you’ve asked yourself these six questions and feel informed, supported, and ready, you could be the life-changing answer to someone’s dream of parenthood.

Take your time. Talk to your loved ones. Ask questions. And remember: your journey matters just as much as the destination.

Surrogacy is powerful because of people like you—brave, kind, and committed to something bigger than themselves.