Do Surrogates Get Attached to the Baby They Carry?

The Surrogate Has No Biological Link to the Baby

In gestational surrogacy — the most common form in the United States — the surrogate has no genetic relationship to the child. The embryo is created using the egg and sperm of the intended parents or donors, and then transferred to the surrogate’s uterus. This is not just an emotional boundary — it’s a biological one. Gestational surrogates are, medically and legally, carriers. They are not the baby’s mother in any sense beyond being the person who nurtures the baby during pregnancy. This clear boundary makes a significant difference in how surrogates view the process.

Do Surrogates Want to Keep the Baby?

The short answer is: no. Professional, pre-screened surrogates understand from the very beginning that they are not the parents of the child. In fact, most surrogates already have children of their own, and many describe their motivation as wanting to help others experience the joy of parenthood. Reputable surrogacy agencies conduct psychological evaluations and counseling prior to matching surrogates with intended parents. These women are mentally prepared for the journey, and they enter into legal contracts that reflect their understanding and intentions. Rather than feeling like they are "giving away" a baby, most surrogates describe the experience as "giving back" or "giving a gift." They feel joy in helping others become a family. Attachment is not the same as love or care — they absolutely care about the baby’s well-being, but they do not develop a maternal attachment in the way biological mothers might.

Do Surrogate Babies Have Attachment Issues?

There is no scientific evidence suggesting that babies born through surrogacy experience attachment issues simply because they were carried by a surrogate. What influences a baby’s emotional development most is what happens after birth: love, consistency, nurturing, and bonding with their parents. The American Academy of Pediatrics emphasizes that strong, early relationships with caregivers are what matter most for emotional development. Once the baby is born, intended parents immediately assume the parental role. In most surrogacy arrangements, they are present for the birth, begin skin-to-skin contact right away, and start forming the bond that all babies need.

How Can Intended Parents Bond with Their Baby Born Through Surrogacy?

If you’re an intended parent, it’s natural to wonder how you can foster a deep connection with your baby, especially if you weren’t able to carry the child yourself. Here are some meaningful ways to build that bond:

Build a Relationship with Your Surrogate

Staying connected with your surrogate throughout the pregnancy helps create emotional continuity. You can:

• Attend doctor appointments (in person or virtually)
• Exchange regular messages and updates
• Share baby name ideas, nursery plans, and milestones

Record Your Voice for the Baby In Utero

Fetuses can hear by the third trimester. By recording messages, lullabies, or simply talking to your baby and sharing the recordings with the surrogate, your baby can become familiar with your voice before birth. This auditory connection helps lay the foundation for early recognition and bonding. According to research cited by the National Institutes of Health, newborns show preference for their parents’ voices soon after birth.

Be Honest with Your Child About Their Origin

Children born via surrogacy thrive when they grow up with open, age-appropriate conversations about how they came into the world. Honesty fosters trust. Resources like the Child Welfare Information Gateway (https://www.childwelfare.gov) and the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (https://www.hhs.gov) provide guidance on healthy parenting and family-building conversations. These can be valuable tools as your child grows and begins to ask questions.

Surrogates Receive Professional Support

Surrogates go through rigorous medical and psychological screening. They are supported by professionals throughout the entire process — from the first evaluation to postpartum recovery. According to MedlinePlus (https://medlineplus.gov) and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (https://www.cdc.gov), mental health support is essential for any pregnancy, and surrogates are no exception. Most agencies ensure access to counselors and support groups tailored specifically to surrogates. These resources help surrogates process emotions, reinforce their understanding of the journey, and maintain a healthy emotional outlook.

Conclusion

While surrogacy involves emotions and physical changes, professional surrogates do not form parental attachments to the babies they carry. They enter the process with full awareness, legal contracts, and psychological support. Gestational surrogates are not genetically linked to the child, and their motivation stems from compassion and altruism, not a desire to parent.

Babies born through surrogacy develop secure attachments just like any other children, especially when intended parents are proactive in bonding from the start. By staying involved during pregnancy, communicating with your surrogate, and being open with your child as they grow, you’re laying the foundation for a strong, healthy family dynamic.

Surrogacy is not just a medical journey — it’s an emotional collaboration built on trust, care, and love. And with the right support, it leads to beautiful beginnings.