Intended Parents and Surrogates: What is the Right Kind of Surrogate Relationship?

Introduction

Surrogacy is much more than a medical process—it's a human connection between people working together to bring life into the world. For intended parents and surrogates, the nature of their relationship can significantly shape the surrogacy experience. Some relationships are deeply involved and emotional, while others are more formal and focused on the practical aspects. The key is finding the right balance that fits everyone’s expectations, comfort levels, and boundaries.

Let’s explore the different types of surrogate-parent relationships, how to set expectations, what to discuss before matching, and how to build a respectful and fulfilling connection.

Levels of Connection Between Surrogates and Intended Parents

1. Close and Ongoing Relationships

In this type of arrangement, intended parents and surrogates form a bond that often lasts well beyond the birth. They may attend appointments together, exchange frequent texts or calls, and even remain close friends afterward.

This relationship type is ideal for people who want to share the journey intimately and feel emotionally connected throughout the process. It often includes attending prenatal checkups together, celebrating milestones, and even planning post-birth visits.

2. Respectful and Professional

Other matches may prefer a more structured and respectful approach. In this case, communication remains kind and thoughtful, but less frequent and more focused on updates and milestones. This relationship is driven by mutual respect and clear boundaries.

This style suits intended parents and surrogates who prefer emotional distance while still ensuring a smooth and supportive journey.

3. Minimal Communication

Some surrogates and intended parents prefer limited direct interaction. Most communication happens through the agency or legal professionals. This doesn’t mean the process lacks care—it simply reflects a preference for formality and privacy.

This dynamic can be especially appropriate in international surrogacy arrangements or where language barriers or legal constraints exist.

What Factors Determine the Right Relationship?

Every surrogacy journey is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The best surrogate-intended parent relationship depends on several factors:

• Personal preferences
• Cultural values
• Geographic distance
• Expectations about involvement
• Emotional needs and boundaries

During the matching process, our agency works closely with both parties to identify compatibility in these areas. Honest conversations at the beginning help prevent misunderstandings later.

Setting Expectations Early

Before any legal or medical steps begin, we help surrogates and intended parents outline expectations such as:

• Frequency and method of communication
• Whether to attend appointments together
• Level of involvement during labor and delivery
• Plans for post-birth contact

Putting these preferences into writing during the surrogacy agreement phase sets the tone for a respectful, mutually beneficial partnership.

Communication Tips for a Healthy Relationship

Be honest and transparent. Speak up early about your comfort levels and hopes for the journey.

Respect each other's lives. Both sides have jobs, families, and emotional boundaries—acknowledge and honor them.

Ask, don’t assume. Clarify before making plans or interpreting intentions.

Use the agency for support. If issues arise, let your agency step in as a neutral mediator.

By the middle of your journey, strong communication will make a major difference in how both parties feel about the process.

Cultural Considerations and Emotional Readiness

Some intended parents and surrogates come from different cultural, religious, or geographic backgrounds. That diversity is beautiful—but it also requires extra awareness.

Things like preferred terms, medical decisions, or even postpartum plans may be approached differently depending on cultural values. That’s why we provide cultural sensitivity training and emotional readiness assessments for both parties.

And if emotions get tough, that’s normal too. Surrogacy is a unique emotional experience, and we have counselors available to help everyone involved process the ups and downs of the journey.

Navigating Changes During the Journey

Sometimes relationships evolve over the course of the pregnancy. People get closer—or step back. That’s natural. The important thing is to maintain open lines of communication and update expectations as needed.

Our coordinators check in regularly with both surrogates and intended parents to make sure everyone feels seen, supported, and respected. Whether it’s adjusting communication frequency or creating space for independence, we’re here to help.

To learn more about psychological care during family-building processes, visit the National Institute of Mental Health: https://www.nimh.nih.gov

Conclusion

Whether you want a heartfelt friendship or a respectful professional partnership, the right surrogate relationship is the one that feels safe and aligned for everyone involved. The surrogacy journey is built on trust, mutual care, and shared purpose.

At our agency, we take the time to understand each person’s expectations and help create matches that reflect not just medical compatibility—but emotional and personal harmony.

It’s not about what the relationship should look like. It’s about what feels right—for you. And we’ll help you find that.

Ready to explore your surrogacy journey with the support and guidance you deserve? Let’s take the first step together.

For more information on ethical communication and family planning, visit the Office of Population Affairs: https://opa.hhs.gov

Additional insights on family-building and assisted reproduction can be found on the CDC website: https://www.cdc.gov/art/index.html

For legal aspects of family relationships, rights, and protections, please see: https://www.childwelfare.gov