What Does a Surrogate Support Person Do?

Surrogacy is a journey filled with hope, challenges, deep emotional experiences, and life-changing moments. But even the strongest surrogate needs someone in her corner — that’s where a Primary Support Person (PSP) steps in. This role isn’t just about being a cheerleader — it's about being an active participant, a stable presence, and a practical helper from start to finish.

Let’s break it all down: who this person is, what they actually do, and why their role is absolutely essential in a surrogate’s experience — especially in the United States.

What is a Primary Support Person?

The Primary Support Person is typically a surrogate’s partner, spouse, close friend, or trusted family member who is willing to walk through the surrogacy process with her — day in, day out. They’re the emotional bedrock, the ride to appointments, the person she can vent to when hormones spike or when doubts creep in.

In many U.S. surrogacy programs, this role isn’t just “nice to have” — it’s highly encouraged and often a factor in determining a surrogate’s eligibility. Agencies and clinics want to know: does the surrogate have someone who will back her up at every stage?

Qualities of a Primary Support Person

Key Traits to Look For

• Empathy – They should be able to listen without judgment.
• Reliability – This person needs to be available and consistent.
• Understanding of Boundaries – Surrogacy involves complex relationships; a PSP needs to respect everyone’s roles.
• Adaptability – Plans change. Emotions shift. Flexibility is key.
• Discretion – A PSP should maintain the surrogate’s privacy and that of the intended parents.

What Does the Surrogacy Process Look Like for a PSP?

The Surrogacy Consultation

Once a woman decides to explore surrogacy, she’ll have an initial consultation with an agency or clinic. PSPs are often invited (and encouraged) to join this call or meeting. This is their chance to ask questions, get the facts, and see what kind of commitment is expected of them too.

Matching With and Meeting Intended Parents

Once a surrogate is matched with intended parents, the PSP may also be introduced — especially if they’ll be a visible presence in the surrogate’s life. It helps build trust and ease between all parties involved.

It’s common during this stage for PSPs to attend virtual meetings or in-person match meetings, helping lay the groundwork for a respectful, supportive environment.

Contracts and Medical Screening

Legal contracts are a vital part of surrogacy. PSPs aren’t required to sign anything themselves, but they should read through the surrogate’s contract and understand the expectations — especially around time commitments, travel, and postpartum support.

As for medical screening, PSPs may be asked to accompany the surrogate to fertility clinics for physical and psychological evaluations. Some clinics or agencies may even ask PSPs to undergo a brief screening themselves, especially if they cohabitate with the surrogate.

The Embryo Transfer

Here’s where things get real. The embryo transfer typically requires the surrogate to travel to a fertility clinic. This could be out of town or even out of state. PSPs are usually the ones driving or flying with the surrogate, helping her navigate hotel stays, clinic visits, and the downtime that follows.

✳️ Note: Many surrogacy contracts include reimbursement for lost wages, travel, and accommodations — for the surrogate and often the PSP too. For example, the U.S. Department of Labor provides general wage and leave information at https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla

Post Transfer and Pregnancy

After transfer, the wait begins. This is the emotional rollercoaster phase. The PSP is critical here: supporting the surrogate through early symptoms, uncertainty, and hormone-induced ups and downs. If the transfer is successful and the pregnancy begins, their support will evolve — helping with childcare, managing household responsibilities, and being present for appointments and checkups.

For health-related resources during pregnancy, especially regarding prenatal standards and medical care, check the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s guidance at https://www.cdc.gov/pregnancy/index.html

Labor and Delivery

It’s go time. Some PSPs are in the delivery room, holding the surrogate’s hand and helping her stay focused. Others support from the waiting room or stay with her during the hospital stay, depending on what the surrogate prefers and what’s allowed.

Post Birth

Once the baby is delivered and in the arms of the intended parents, the surrogate begins recovery — physically and emotionally. The PSP remains crucial. This is often an emotional time, even when the surrogate feels joy and pride. Hormones crash. Fatigue hits. The PSP should be ready to help her transition back to normal life and celebrate her strength.

Surrogate Support Person’s Role and Responsibilities

Expected Responsibilities

• Attending major appointments (especially transfer and anatomy scan)
• Helping with travel arrangements
• Assisting with childcare if the surrogate has kids
• Being a sounding board for emotional ups and downs
• Helping with meals, errands, and home care if needed
• Keeping the surrogate’s physical and emotional health in mind

Unexpected Responsibilities

• Advocating for the surrogate in stressful situations
• Managing last-minute changes in travel or medical plans
• Navigating sensitive discussions with friends or family
• Supporting the surrogate through unexpected medical challenges
• Being a buffer between the surrogate and well-meaning but intrusive questions

For unexpected medical events during pregnancy, reference emergency protocols and patient rights at https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/pregnancy/conditioninfo/high-risk

FAQs from Primary Support

Q. Will I be paid lost wages when I’m traveling with the surrogate for her screening and embryo transfer?
Usually, yes. Many agencies include compensation for PSPs when travel is required, especially if it's part of the surrogate’s contract. Keep records and talk to your coordinator about this early.

Q. Will the surrogate have insurance throughout the journey?
Yes. Either the surrogate’s personal insurance will be reviewed for coverage, or an independent surrogacy-specific policy will be provided. PSPs should familiarize themselves with the plan in case emergencies arise.

Q. How much time off from work will I need to take?
This varies. Expect a few days for embryo transfer, possibly more during labor and delivery, and maybe some short appointments in between. It’s smart to plan flexible PTO or talk to your employer early in the process.

Q. Is it safe for my partner to be a surrogate?
For most healthy women who meet agency medical requirements, yes. But it’s not risk-free. There are physical and emotional challenges. As a PSP, you should be fully aware of these and ready to support her through the entire journey.

Q. Can I speak with someone at Circle before my partner applies?
Absolutely. Most surrogacy agencies — including Circle — welcome PSPs to reach out with questions or concerns. Being informed upfront is the best way to ensure a strong, stable journey for everyone involved.

Conclusion

A surrogate’s journey is never a solo one — and the role of a Primary Support Person can make the difference between surviving and thriving through the process. You don’t have to have all the answers, and you don’t have to be perfect. But if you’re present, empathetic, and all in? You’ll be doing one of the most meaningful support jobs out there.

Whether you’re a partner, friend, or family member — stepping up as a PSP means you’re a quiet hero in a life-changing experience.

You ready?